Valentine’s Day comes but once a year and for this I am truly grateful. This year I have plans with a female friend (if she doesn’t dump me first). Last year I went for a curry and got given a red rose wrapped in plastic and a card with a dog on the front, and the year before that I don’t remember. One year I got an iPod. That was cool.

Anyway, it’s a load of old boll%cks isn’t it? Just another way for Clintons Cards to make a few extra billion quid on the sale of shiny balloons, teddy bears made of polyester and cards as big as a fridge. It’s bad for the environment, hideous for the morale of the single person and should be banned.